oyster emoji (how decadent)

actually i think it's a bit gauche to write in all lowercase, diary entry no. 2

It’s been nearly two months since I‘ve been to Metrograph and needless to say, this is unacceptable. Soon, I will go to the Commissary, order a 20 dollar salad and sit with myself. I will bounce my leg because it's becoming more and more unbearable to be alone. The movies are fine but only if there's at least one other person in the theater with you who’s also on their own. 

And someone Will ask you for a cigarette outside. Maybe I can join a debrief. Maybe they will compliment my Brandy skirt or my FAKE tabis. Do you think I’ll run into my Metrograph stalker again?

News From Home makes it hard to be happy in New York. Her camera is still but the world is overpouring. Mommy, mommy!

I look at my notebook and find something I jotted down while watching the film. This was in class and I nearly fainted for reasons unknown. Splotches in my vision, my brains leaking out my ears:

the train pulls in and eats your voice, i miss you without realizing

No matter how often you call home, it will never be enough for your parents. So why bother? I’m coming down and a little morose. They say I'm scary and intimidating and aloof but I am just a girl!! Being 5’8” doesn’t disqualify me from girlhood. Actually I hate that word and I’m 21 which is Not a Girl Anymore territory. The phrase ‘teenage girl in her twenties’ is just extremely dumb but all the discourse on Twitter about it is nearly as grating. Because I do understand that it’s hefty to call yourself a woman when you don’t have a real job or you’re still in school or whatever. Maybe we should just put down the Olivia Rodrigo for a second and RETVRN to Britney. Being not a girl, not yet a woman is a much more classy way to word this experience. Personally though, I identify as an ingénue. Innocence is not infantile.

Yesterday I googled: How to be more pleasant. Then I went on Reddit and searched it again. Most people recommend smiling. Smiling as default state. This is very strange to me. I tried walking around Bushwick alone, the corner of my lips slightly upturned (which are apparently called your oral commissures, very cool). Is this not creepy? Cause like have you read the news recently??? There’s nothing to smile about. You should always be frowning and thinking about how we all need to vote.  

Did you know that Lamotrigine can trigger Murderous Impulse? What I’m experiencing is more like white noise machine annoyance. 

This past week, Jack has been sporadically asking me for oyster recommendations. These are my go-to’s.

-Zest Ramen, LES

-Mominette, Bushwick

-Ama Raw Bar, East Village

This list is very short and these are the only notable places I’ve been to. I feel like a poser, especially since my Tinder bio used to be

i have that catholic cigarette joan of arc literary oyster virgin mary kinda vibe

You live and you learn. And maybe even become less insufferable in the process. But back to the matter at hand, maybe I should give oysters a rest because even bottom feeders are unreliable these days.

Beware the flesh-eating oyster monster! 

Three people have died!

Beware!

You can read all about it in the New York Times. But of course, it’s paywalled.